Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dating in Utah: The Importance of Being Earnest

There comes a point when it happens, you know the feeling, the feeling of I'm really interested in this girl or guy, you know I hate to use the "C" word but there isn't a better way to put it you have a "crush." Is there anything more stressful in the world than a crush? The constant pondering if there's any hope of development, or just wondering what she/he thinks about you? You toss and turn in your bed at night in anticipation of something developing. You go out of your way just to make sure you run into them and what seem like serendipitous moments to hopefully ignite the spark. OK maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but when you have feelings for someone the one thing you hope for more than anything is that the feeling is mutual. But how do you know? How can you delve into the psychological depths of their soul. My experience as a "licensed psychology major" has taught me that unfortunately there isn't a magic formula to read people's minds but I can at least talk about some hints that I've learned and that can help you in the future.
1. Quality time
Nothing is a bigger indicator to me that someone is interested in you than someone going out of their way to spend time with you. It's also the best way to build a secure relationship on top of that. Even if the person does nothing more than sends you a text to ask how your day went out of the blue, it's a pretty indicator that he/she might be interested in who you are at the least.  If a person seems to have excuses every time you try to do something chances are it's just not the right time at the moment or they aren't into you. Either way, it's probably better for you to spend your time else where at the moment,  if it's supposed to work out, you might just have to be patient and wait a bit to try again. 
2. Body Language
You can tell a lot about how people feel about you just by watching the way they interact with you. Like I said in my blog about first dates, unnecessary touching is always a good sign. You can also tell a lot by the way he/she is interacting with you. If a person is comfortable with you and wants you to be comfortable with them, they will often "mirror" your actions to try to convey a message of understanding and affection. Most people aren't aware that they are doing it so it's a pretty good indicator of how they feel. Other indicators include their tone of voice and facial expressions like excessive smiling and laughing. Understanding body language can go a long way to helping you understand if a person is interested in you.
3. If at first you don't succeed, just ask!
I know that some people love "the chase" and the games that come from the uncertainty of dating but it never hurts to have that constant inner conflict resolved. If you have feelings for a person and can't tell if the feeling is mutual, do your best to let them how much you care about them, and if that doesn't get your answer, ASK THEM! There is no point wasting countless hours stressing yourself. I speak from personal experience, I can't how many times I've sat around wasting time thinking a crush because I was too scared to open my mouth but if anything is ever going to happen, you're going to have be open with your communication at some point so why sit around playing pointless games and to top it all off you might save yourself an ulcer down the road! Any opportunity to save your stomach from eating itself is worth, words of wisdom to live by!
Anyways I hope this helps, I know that it might seem like common sense but I understand that dating isn't easy especially when you really want things to work out. Just remember to be yourself and the rest will follow!  If a person can't respect who you are, then they probably aren't worth your time! just remember that!
Now a special treat, an auto-tuned version of me singing "The Lady in Red" by Chris De Burgh, just another great self promotion tactic


  1. Nice words of wisdom! I completely agree with you on all three points you posted. I decided long ago that I wasn't going to be one of those people who wastes soooo much time wondering if someone liked me back, be BOLD or go home! :)

  2. I once was interested in a girl and thought she might have had feelings for me too, but I wasn't sure. After we had gone on a few dates and I was still just as confused, I finally decided to ask her. She let me know that she was sorry but that she didn't feel the same way. So it didn't work out with her but it sure saved me a lot of trouble and worry in the long run. Plus i ended up with the girl of my dreams instead!