Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thoughts on Gay Marriage

It's been a while since I blogged about something other than dating advice but this is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while. Before I start writing this though, I want to clarify that this is my opinion and I don't expect you to agree with me or to share my opinion, but I hope that you can at least respect it after I share it. So onto the show.

I don't know if I have a personality disorder or if it's just because I'm a Gemini but I've been divided on this issue for a long time. I feel like there are two parts of me constantly debating and trying to decide where to stand on the issue.

There is the side of me that thinks about my uncle Kim, who came to my parents and asked my mom give me his namesake as my middle name. So instead of being Bryant Grant after my dad, I'm Bryant Kim because of my uncle's request. You see my uncle was gay and had contracted HIV by the time I was born. He was aware that he wasn't going to have the opportunity to have his own children in his life. He died when I was seven but because of his request his name still lives on through me. It's hard for me not to think of him when I hear about the gay marriage debates. This side of me gets sick when I hear that people can be denied housing or get fired from work just because of their sexual orientation. This part of me has no problem with homosexual couples getting similar financial benefits as their heterosexual counterparts. This part of me doesn't understand why anyone should be discriminated solely based on their sexual orientation. This part of me is going to grad school to study to become a marriage and family therapist who is almost going to have gay clients that I will treat just like my heterosexual clients. This part of me is the social worker who has came to the conclusion after extensive observation of my clients that two gay parents who love and care about their kids is always better than a kid who has two heterosexual parents who could care less about their children. This part of me hurts when he hears other people use derogatory terms to describe homosexuals casually in conversation. This part of me understands that although I have a very strict set of morals, my moral values aren't shared by everyone in this world and that's ok. This part of me completely understands why his Facebook wall is covered in red equal signs and doesn't mind at all. 

Then there is the other part of me, the part of me that shouldn't have lived for more than 26 minutes, let alone for almost 26 years, but because of the faith of those closest to me and by a literal miracle through a priesthood blessing I'm still here. This is the part of me that spent two years dedicated to serving my God. This part of me completely believes in my religion and does everything I can to practice it. This is the part of me that understands that the single most important ordinance in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is temple marriage and why it's so important to Mormons as a religion. This part of me wants to do everything I can to help all those in need and truly wants the best for everyone. This part of me believes in modern and personal revelation and has received key guidance from both throughout my life. This part of me understands that although not everyone shares my moral beliefs, I do hold them and should do my best to live them. This is the part of me that wants to find a woman I can spend eternity with and have a family with. This part of me loves gays and wishes that we could find more common ground instead of finding more reasons to argue. This part of me doesn't understand how hard it must be to be told that you don't fit in because of who you are attracted to but wants to learn more so he can be more supportive of others, but that they can understand why I'm not posting a red equal sign on my profile.

I want my gay friends that I don't think that they are bad people for supporting their beliefs and wanting change. For the most part, I agree with what they are fighting for. I want my Mormon friends to know that I don't think they are out of line for fighting traditional marriage either, I understand why it's so important to the religion. I want both make sure that both parties know that I'm not trying to offend either party by not posting an equal sign or married man and woman on my facebook profile, it's just because I'm conflicted. To be honest, if there were an amendment to vote for today on Gay Marriage, I would abstain from voting because either way a part of me would leave unsatisfied with the way I voted. It's not because I'm uninformed, it's because I can understand both parties perspectives and to an extent agree with both sides. I guess my point is that I feel like this issue is more complicated than just marriage or no marriage. I want gay rights, but I want to ensure that there won't be consequences for my religion not to perform gay marriages because of their standards. I feel like this is the ultimate separations of church and state issue and I hope that we can look at it in that perspective.


  1. Wasn't there a war fought in heaven over agency? seems to me like we might be fighting the same battle today that we were back then, just many of us are on the other side. Standing strong for what we believe is right and extending the ability for others to choose for themselves don't have to contradict each other as so many people seem to believe. Just my thoughts.

  2. Totally fair Suzzie! Good point for sure! Thanks for your comment...

  3. It seems like you're having an inner conflict between what you know is right and what you've been taught is right. If what you know is right conflicts with what you've been taught is right, maybe it's time to change your mind.

  4. Dear Anonymous: I really appreciate your comment and I understand where you are coming from. I guess the point I was trying to make is that there is validity to both sides of the argument. I can understand why gay rights activists feel like they are being slighted and I get why religious activists are concerned about gay marriage becoming legal. My purpose for writing this wasn't to start a debate about who's wrong and right, it was to point out that this issue is a lot more grey than it is black and white; I was hoping to encourage people to find more common ground and understand both sides. I hope you can understand that