Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Dating in Utah: Come Talk to Me, or How to Have a Real-life Conversation with People Online

This week has been a bit stressful so I kinda have been slacking on the blog, my apologies. That being said, How's everyone doing? I get that finals are probably the only more stressful than dating so I'm going to do my best to express sympathy... and that's done. Back to dating, these last few weeks have been interesting to say the least since we last discussed online dating, I've been on a few more dates with "Ashley" which have been great! She's a real cool cat, and I'm glad that I've had the chance to get to know her better, and not just because she's given me more material for my blog... She has taught me a lot about my own dating style and things that I think are important for anyone trying to start a relationship, or trying to make their relationships stronger. It even applies to random bind dates! It's the power of conversation. Like I've said in the past, I don't really feel like I've ever been on a bad date but I think a lot of this has to with the fact that most people I go on dates with can carry on a conversation for more than two or three minutes. I've also came to realize that the majority of the time I put most of the weight of whether I go on another date with someone strictly based on the conversation during the date. So here are a few tips on how to insure future dates and develop a lasting relationship.
1. Reciprocity
You can always find something you have in common with your date, you wouldn't be on a date with them otherwise. If you focus more on your similarities instead of your differences, the date will have a more positive vibe to it and you'll feel like you've made a real connection with your date. This doesn't mean don't acknowledge your differences, but be open to experimentation, If politics are important to your date and you have every intention of going on another date with them, would it kill you just to do a little research on the political issues that are important to them? Or if your date likes country music... well I guess I have to draw the line somewhere, never mind. But seriously, a little effort goes a long way to developing chemistry and shows how important your date is to you which leads me to my next subject...
2. Validation
There is nothing more important in relationships than validating each other's feelings. Everyone is insecure about something, whether it seems like it or not, so when we go out on a limb and get into a romantic relationship we expose our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.So when we go out of our way to make the other person feel important, we are on the right path to building the foundation to a solid relationship. Sometimes all we need to do is listen so they feel like what they're saying is important. Other times, we can drop in a sincere compliment to boost someone's self esteem, or try to understand their point of view instead of focusing on why he/she is wrong about something. It's really an art form but when mastered it is one of best ways to improve your chances to build a solid relationship.  Check out the video above for a good example of the importance of validation.
3. Confidence
If there is one thing that determine your success as an individual in the dating world, it's confidence. If you are afraid to say what's really on your mind or just afraid to speak in general, it's going to be difficult for you to build a sustainable relationship over time. Be confident in who you are and people will want to get to know you. This works in all forms of dating, online dating, meeting someone at a club/dance, or at school/church, people will respect you if you respect yourself. One of the best ways to display this self-respect is by respecting others and so see points 1 and 2 for help with that... Honestly I don't know if there is anything more important when it comes to conversation or dating in general than being happy with who you are.

Well I hope I've effective illustrated the importance of conversation in dating, I really think that being able to connect with someone through conversation is so important to developing any sort of relationship these days, especially because there are less and less people that can actually do it... If you don't feel confident in your ability to make these kind of connections just remember that practice is the only way to get better so get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out on a limb! The fruits of your effort will start to come!.Well that's all I have for this week, check back next week and as usual feel free to leave comments or suggestions!
Here's this week's bonus song, Enjoy!

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