Friday, January 27, 2012

Dating in Utah: What a Girl Wants! and other random ramblings from my head

Over the course of this blog I've given a variety of opinions on various issues about dating but today I go where very few men dare to go. Today I try to delve into the greatest of human mysteries, the female mind. K maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but according to every romantic comedy ever written every problem that has ever happened in any relationship is caused by a fundamental difference in the way that men and women think that can only be overcome by an epic kiss at the end of the movie. However when I took a communication and gender class in college the first point that was made in the book for the class was that there is less than a 1% biological difference in the way that women and men think so I decided to set my self out on a quest to find out what women actually want out of a relationship. I do believe that there are some key differences in the way that women and men communicate that need to be addressed, however as hopefully everyone will see men and women essentially want the same thing when it comes to relationships but I'll let you be the judge. So here are the results of my completely scientific text message survey that I obviously spent lots of time analyzing numerically...
1. What are the top three qualities that you look for in a guy?
There were some very definite patterns in this question. Women want dedicated, motivated, hard-working men. According to evolutionary psychologists, this is because women need security when they are making commitments to men because let's be frank women have a lot more invested when it comes to long-term relationships, they need to know that their children and themselves will be taken care of securely. Dedication shows that men are willing to make an investment not only in themselves but in others as well. Women also want honest, loyal men, also for the LDS guys out there, they want worthy strong priesthood holders(surprise right?). I felt like this is pretty self-explanatory, I personally feel like the best way for anyone to show that they care about a person is by being honest with them because it eliminates a lot of the insecurities that come with human interaction. There is not a more solid ground for building great communication than honesty. Women also want someone they can laugh with/have fun with. Don't be a douche or a stick in the mud, if you aren't someone that people can picture as their best friend it's going to be hard for them to commit to a relationship. Finally physical attraction is important, but if you can be yourself people will be more attracted to you, confidence is the single most attractive trait anyone one can have.
2. After you've gone on a few dates with a guy, how do you know if you're interested in a more serious relationship with a guy?
I realized when I wrote this question that it was a bit vague but I figured that if guys could understand how girls approach relationships, it could help get rid of a lot of the awkwardness and miscommunication that come in the early stages of budding relationships. The truth of the matter is that women will want to spend time with you if they want something to happen. They have to have fun with you. They want to feel appreciated. They need to feel like that you are willing to make a commitment. Possibly most importantly, women need to feel comfortable and have to feel that "connection" or in other words they have to feel like that they can get close emotionally with a guy. So to the guys reading this out there do your best to make girls feel comfortable and your odds of developing a more serious relationship will go up tremendously.
3. What are your biggest pet peeves when it comes to dating?
Going into this I kinda had an idea what to expect, but I was shocked with how unified girls were on this one. Guys be warned... If you don't have a plan on your dates, you've probably committed the cardinal sin of dating... Women want you to have a plan because if you don't it's shows that you don't care enough about the time they are decent enough to share with you. It also shows that you're lazy and unmotivated which is probably the worst possible combination you can be. Girls also don't want you to talk too much or talk just about yourself, ask questions! Dates are for getting to know each other so if you're doing all the talking or not asking questions it's going create issues. Women want to feel like they are important to you, they don't want to be the last priority on your list! Back to the whole security thing from before. It's all about making sure people feel secure and comfortable around you... So instead of putting out the least amount of effort possible, go out of your way to show how important your girl is to you, never pass up an opportunity to make her feel special. Put forth the effort and eventually some girl will realize how awesome you are and that you're worth the risk. Obviously it works both ladies, if you truly appreciate the man that you want eventually guys are going to realize that your quite the catch, just be confident in who you are and love yourself and the rest will follow!
Next week I want to answer your questions so hit me up!
if you want to text me or send me a message on facebook or Google+
Heck if you want to hit me up with a tweet @bchristlieb21 or #ihaveadatingquestion
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Now that I've been as obnoxious as possible, hope you enjoyed my blog this week Now here's a clip from The Science of Sex Appeal that I mentioned earlier, it's one of my favorite documentaries so I hope you enjoy it!


  1. Hey, I love this post. This was very informing. But I have one question. I have confidence with a girl one on one but in a group, I'm useless. Should I use this to my advantage and only go on one on one or just with one other couple dates, or learn to be more confident in groups? And if I need to be better with groups, what do I need to do to improve?

  2. basically sister SamJanuary 27, 2012 at 5:13 PM

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