Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Dating in Utah: Hey I just met you...

Hey everyone, long time no blog so let's get down to business. First things first, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read and/or comment on my last post, I really appreciate all the thought that was put into it to those who posted comments, like I have said in the past, that was a pretty awkward blog for me to write and I just want to thank you all for caring enough to read it. The number of people reading it was more than double a typical blog post and 100 more than my previous high so thanks! Now onto this edition of the Blog of B. The other day I had the opportunity to dress up in a garage rock wig and sunglasses and hide in a mall for a ward activity. Needless to say, it was pretty obvious that I was in costume considering that the longest hair on my head at the moment might be a centimeter long. So while I was minding my own business shopping in Dillard's, I heard random numbers being called over the PA system, I began to become curious if  my disguised shaggy appearance had struck the curiosity of an associate who decided that I was some sort of threat to their business. Sure enough after another random call of numbers over the intercom, a talking badge was informing that you can't take pictures in Dillard's and there was plenty of other places in the mall to take my incognito wig and glasses to. While I continued on my trek across the mall where I knew I'd be accepted(Macy's of course). I noticed all sorts of stairs and conversations about pondering whether or not I could actually grow the mop on top of my head, I began to wonder why it was such a big deal to people. I know for a fact that if I wasn't rocking my wig that no one would even bother concerning themselves with kicking me out of a store because nothing about me says shoplifter or criminal but something about a wig or a pair of trashy aviators does... However this got me thinking about the real power of first impressions. People stereotype because we need to be able to define things to feel in control. However, the majority of the time, there is a lot more to people than just what they display on the outside. I'm not immune to this in the least but I might be a culprit in the opposite way that you're expecting. Let me try to convey what I'm trying to relate like this. A few months ago I met a girl who would fit every snobby girl stereotype that I could think of, you know the type rocking the latest jeans and blouses from Nordstrom, perfect figure and confidence abounding. In other words, I made assumptions that she wasn't my type at all based on my preconceptions, I usually go for the girl next door type and I assumed that she probably wouldn't give me the time of day if she could think of something to talk about in the first place. However as time went on, I began to realize that she was completely different than what I would have assumed, she was smart, well-spoken, down to earth and even a bit insecure like everyone else, even though she was probably the last person I knew that had something to be insecure about. She turned out to be someone I could see myself developing a real and genuine friendship with but I almost cost myself a really good friend because of my own biases that I use to compensate for my own insecurity.  So I guess if there is a point that I can make from this post is that everyone is worth a shot no matter what biases or conceptions you might have about that "type" of person. I read an article once that talked about President Eyring going to the gas station with his dad, who was a world renowned scientist, taking time out of his busy schedule to ask the gas attendant about what was going on in the world. President Eyring asked his dad why he bothered spending his precious time asking some gas attendant what he thought about the world and his dad responded with this pragmatic advice, "I feel like there is something to learn from everyone." If you look at marriage statistics over the past twenty years, you'd come to the realization that couples that married into arraigned marriages are significantly more satisfied in their marriages than those who we're supposedly "in love:" I've always found this statistic really curious but I wonder if it's a statement of our inability to look past the surface and make real emotional connections with people because we base so much off our own ideas about how people and things are and so when we realize that the person we "loved" isn't the person we actually thought they were and so we justify falling out of love as excuse to cover our own insecurities. So I guess if there is anything I can ask my awesome readers to do, it's to put forth the effort to give someone a chance because you never know who really might be behind the wig and sunglasses. Feel free to add thoughts and comments, I'd love to hear your opinions and ideas about this! Now some great garage rock from a couple of Canucks!


  1. I totally agree with this blog "B". I had an experience where i dated a girl for quite a while. In the end she broke up with me. There is a ton more detail to the story. Anyway, the way that she broke up with me showed me that she lied to me the whole time we were dating. She didnt want to marry me she just wanted to get married. Where my experience comes into play with your blog is that she had labeled me as an immature little kid.
    I am also one that always looks at a girl and thinks she is too attractive for me or, I'm not her type. The last girl I pursued was like that. I had known of her in high school and had always had that thought of her being to beautiful for me. A couple months ago i met her and tried to pursue a relationship with her. Long story short, in the end my assumption was right from the beginning. BUT, at least i tried right? now i know instead of just assuming. And hopefully i am a better person from the experiences that i have gone through.
    Thanks for the blogs "B" they really cause a person to think. Sorry for making my comment into a novel. I'm done.

  2. B, a friend and I had a discussion about something similar to this after your last post. We started discussing dating and different frustrations with the whole "game." We talked about how it really does seem like there are "teams" when it comes to dating, teams that are categorized by individuals. Really these teams are excuses to shut people out, based on this conversation with my friend. He agreed that all too often people classify others with trivial excuses. "Oh I can't date my coworkers because it might cause drama in the office." "I won't date in my ward because it might be awkward if we break up" "I don't date people in my classes because then people might think we cheat off of each other." These are all statements I've personally heard and it drives me crazy. Mostly because when you make a definitive statement like that you effectively eliminate so many prospective relationships. Hard and fast "rules" like that make it extremely difficult to see past the rule and into who the person really is. The "rules" may be comfort zone comments, but most times relationships aren't about comfort zone. Most times we have to step out of our comfort zone in order to find the place where we can be truly happy in a relationship with someone else. Besides, until you step out of the comfort zone you never really grow. I guess what I'm saying is, I agree with you. Unless we get out of this stereotyping/classification at a human race life won't be as fulfilling.

  3. Great article! I especially loved this point you made.