Saturday, February 4, 2012

Dating in Utah: The Singles Ward Scene

We've all been there, sitting there on Sundays and someone we've never really said a word to in our lives comes up to us starts talking to us for no apparent reason and then tells us how they had a "revelation" the night before in the most poignant and vivid dream you've ever heard that they're your soul-mate.... Needless to say, awkwardness takes it place in what was an already uncomfortable situation, after you finally get away from your supposedly new found soul-mate, you get home, you have three new Facebook messages from your long lost lover, basically forcing you to give them a chance, and it all goes downhill from here.After a weekend of turmoil, you decide to tell them the truth that you think they're crazy, rumors spread, and when all is said and done, you're back in the home ward by the next week, happy with your new calling as a primary teacher. This might be a slight exaggeration but dating in the singles ward can be a complicated animal, if things work out, great, you've found an eternal companion in less than six months probably, if they don't chances are you share common friends , rumors about your relationship's demise will be greatly exaggerated and half of your social contacts are now out of the picture because they don't want to step on your ex's toes.  So now that I've spent half of my blog on the perils of dating in the singles ward, let's get real for a bit. It's totally appropriate to take a chance on someone in your ward, singles wards are designed to help people meet and I know a ton of happily married couples that met their spouses in the singles ward. You just have to remember three rules going into a potential relationship with someone from the singles ward.

1. Ask yourself "If things don't work out, am I capable of maintaining a platonic friendship with this person?"  
This question is applicable in all circumstances where you will probably continue to see the person in a social situation with common friends, like class or work but especially with a singles ward because you'll see each other at least once a week in a situation where you should be having the most spiritual moment of your week If you're going to be distracted with animosity towards the person you've dated, it's going to be extremely difficult for you to maintain a sense of spirituality at church and possibly down the road in your everyday life. So if you're going to date someone in the singles ward be mature enough to accept that things might not work out and secure enough with yourself when you see him/her on a date with someone else in the ward to not be jealous.
2. Be secure enough to realize that you'll be the subject of ward gossip 
People love to talk especially when two people share the same social group. If you're not ok with your relationship becoming like a mini tabloid relationship within your social group then you probably hold off on the relationship until you're at a point that you're ok with it. I'm not saying deny your feelings, I'm just trying to point out that relationships between members of the same social group add a different dimension to a relationship involving every one around them. So if people pick sides, don't be offended, a lot people just don't know how to handle complicated situations, give people the benefit of the doubt and understand that they're trying...
3.Don't let dating someone get in the way of the reason you're actually at church
I kinda addressed this earlier but remember the point of church is to bring you closer to your heavenly father. The social aspect of church is great and really important especially in a singles ward, but if you're reason for going to church is an attractive member of the opposite sex, you can find yourself in a precarious situation if things don't go as you have them planned. Just make sure your relationship with your Heavenly Father is as good as your relationship with your "soul-mate" and things should work out great!
Anyways I hope this helps, and like I said before dating in the singles ward is a great opportunity but I hope these guidelines help you avoid a lot of the undesired consequences that often happen in in-ward relationships.  And now a great youtube video about nice guys.

1 comment:

  1. My friend recommended this dating for traveler's website called there are a lot of different people in different countries, but some good ones too. I had been doing it for about 2 months, when I met someone. We have been dating in person for one month and we traveled together, it is going really well. I don't know if we will ever be in love or spend the rest of our lives together, but I am enjoying being with him while I can. My suggestion to anyone doing online dating is be safe, cautious, and honest. I guess that will help you a lot.