Dating in Utah: A Toast to the Scumbags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about tools, and by that I don't mean things that you use to fix your car, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love tools, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the tool phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger tool. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a tool it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the tools themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nice guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of jerkish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a jerk about it... Nothing is more satisfying.

Dating in Utah: A Toast to the D*****Bags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about douchebags, and by that I don't mean literal feminine hygiene products, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love douchebags, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the douchebag phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger douchebag. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a douche it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the douchebags themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nce guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of douchebaggish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a douche about it... Nothing is more satisfying.
Is there a more appropriate way to end this blog than a video about the pains of being a douche from someone who knows first hand? I think not, Here's "Runaway" by the original douche himself Kanye West

Dating in Utah: Come Talk to Me, or How to Have a Real-life Conversation with People Online

This week has been a bit stressful so I kinda have been slacking on the blog, my apologies. That being said, How's everyone doing? I get that finals are probably the only more stressful than dating so I'm going to do my best to express sympathy... and that's done. Back to dating, these last few weeks have been interesting to say the least since we last discussed online dating, I've been on a few more dates with "Ashley" which have been great! She's a real cool cat, and I'm glad that I've had the chance to get to know her better, and not just because she's given me more material for my blog... She has taught me a lot about my own dating style and things that I think are important for anyone trying to start a relationship, or trying to make their relationships stronger. It even applies to random bind dates! It's the power of conversation. Like I've said in the past, I don't really feel like I've ever been on a bad date but I think a lot of this has to with the fact that most people I go on dates with can carry on a conversation for more than two or three minutes. I've also came to realize that the majority of the time I put most of the weight of whether I go on another date with someone strictly based on the conversation during the date. So here are a few tips on how to insure future dates and develop a lasting relationship.
1. Reciprocity
You can always find something you have in common with your date, you wouldn't be on a date with them otherwise. If you focus more on your similarities instead of your differences, the date will have a more positive vibe to it and you'll feel like you've made a real connection with your date. This doesn't mean don't acknowledge your differences, but be open to experimentation, If politics are important to your date and you have every intention of going on another date with them, would it kill you just to do a little research on the political issues that are important to them? Or if your date likes country music... well I guess I have to draw the line somewhere, never mind. But seriously, a little effort goes a long way to developing chemistry and shows how important your date is to you which leads me to my next subject...
2. Validation

There is nothing more important in relationships than validating each other's feelings. Everyone is insecure about something, whether it seems like it or not, so when we go out on a limb and get into a romantic relationship we expose our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.So when we go out of our way to make the other person feel important, we are on the right path to building the foundation to a solid relationship. Sometimes all we need to do is listen so they feel like what they're saying is important. Other times, we can drop in a sincere compliment to boost someone's self esteem, or try to understand their point of view instead of focusing on why he/she is wrong about something. It's really an art form but when mastered it is one of best ways to improve your chances to build a solid relationship.  Check out the video above for a good example of the importance of validation.
3. Confidence
If there is one thing that determine your success as an individual in the dating world, it's confidence. If you are afraid to say what's really on your mind or just afraid to speak in general, it's going to be difficult for you to build a sustainable relationship over time. Be confident in who you are and people will want to get to know you. This works in all forms of dating, online dating, meeting someone at a club/dance, or at school/church, people will respect you if you respect yourself. One of the best ways to display this self-respect is by respecting others and so see points 1 and 2 for help with that... Honestly I don't know if there is anything more important when it comes to conversation or dating in general than being happy with who you are.

Well I hope I've effective illustrated the importance of conversation in dating, I really think that being able to connect with someone through conversation is so important to developing any sort of relationship these days, especially because there are less and less people that can actually do it... If you don't feel confident in your ability to make these kind of connections just remember that practice is the only way to get better so get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out on a limb! The fruits of your effort will start to come!.Well that's all I have for this week, check back next week and as usual feel free to leave comments or suggestions!

Here's this week's bonus song, Enjoy!

Dating in Utah: The Art of Sacrifice

This week I've decided to change up the mood a little bit and start from a more contemplative perspective instead of the typical advice end of things. I've been thinking a lot about why we crave love and what drives to find our "soulmate." Dating is kind of crazy when you think about it, we go out of our way to spend time with people who have a completely different life and ambitions with the expectation of eventually finding someone who is willing to reexamine their dreams and goals enough to let us find common goals with them instead. Yet for some strange reason this sacrifice is our motivation, we want to have someone that will help us turn our "me"goals into "we" goals. If we ever want to be successful in dating, we have to be able to learn how to sacrifice. Take this real-life love story for example: A friend of mine met this wonderful girl at school, beautiful, intelligent, just about what any guy could hope for in a girl, only problem was she was about to graduate from school and move back to California to go to Med School about a month after they started dating. For this relationship to progress, he realized it was going to take a tremendous amount of sacrifice. He made sure to call her every night, and to fly out to California to visit her and her family. He had ambitions to go to law school, so realizing the circumstances, he just applied to schools around the area she was attending Medical School at even though he could have been accepted into any law school in the country. Eventually their combined sacrifices let to them getting married a year later and moving to California together to start a new life as grad students incurring debt together. Obviously the debt they are building now will be a sacrifice worthwhile down the road, but because of sacrifices made in the past, it was an easier decision because they both realized that sacrifice pays off the majority of the time. Without getting too sentimental, here's a line from the song "Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New that does a good job of conveying my point, "What they call love is a risk, to always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own." I know that might not the most positive way to look at it, but the truth is to truly love someone we have to be at our most vulnerable. We have to be able to let someone get underneath our build up shields and layers that protect us from pain. When we find the person of our dreams, that person in part has to become us, so they can understand who we are and where we come from... That's why so many times the people that hurt us the most are the ones we love the most. Yet it's a risk that we all take at a point and a risk that most people believe is worth taking. If we can learn how to sacrifice and develop a "we" outlook on life, we will have much stronger relationships and we'll be able to grow through each other's experiences to fully experience the potential of love. Please leave your comments, thoughts or experiences in the comments below for feedback! Thanks as usual! Here's a video that does a better job of emphasizing the points I'm trying to make, Enjoy!