Dating in Utah: "When There's Nothing Left to Burn, You Have to Set Yourself on Fire"

Hey everyone, it's been a while, so I guess it's time to get back on the blogger kick... How's the dating world out there? I hope you are doing great, or at least better than me. Well I guess that's enough of the small talk, let's cut to the chase. Let's get real, there's a part of dating that no one really wants to talk about, you know that  part that where that "perfect" girl or guy decides that you might not be perfect for them, you know the "break-up". It's never easy to either break-up or being broken-up with, especially the latter because as Nada Surf put it so eloquently back in the 90s, " Even if you've gone together for only a short time, And haven't been too serious, There's still a feeling of rejection When someone says she prefers the company of others To your exclusive company," but the truth of the matter is that the way you handle a break up is a real good indicator of your level of dating future. Let's get real, it's a lot easier to get upset and distant( if you're in an abusive or manipulative situation, this is the appropriate reaction, never forget how much you're worth) but there are a lot of times that relationships end, not because someone is being unfaithful or a straight up jerk, but because it just wasn't the right fit. If anyone can remember back to my last blog, I tried to talk about how the real purpose of dating is to find one person to spend your life and eternity with. It's really easy to get distracted from this when you're getting broken up with but at the same time you can't force your will on others. At stake conference today, one of the speakers was talking about that we spend a lot of time praying for the will of others to coincide with our will, for example "please bless my neighbor that he'll come to church next Sunday, so I can feel less guilty about missing home teaching him" does anyone see what's wrong with that, other than the home teaching part? When we pray for people's will to be in harmony with our will, we're really just praying to take away their agency. I'm not trying to sound self-righteous, in all actuality I've done this a lot in the past, but if you think about, by praying or trying to force our thoughts and ideas we're taking away the opportunity of others to choose for themselves. We're, in a small way, acting on Satan's plan from the pre-mortal world. I'm not saying we're sinning, most of the time we have the best intentions, but we're often denying the opportunity to grow. So what does this have to do with break-ups you might ask? If we spend most of our time talking about how terrible are ex is because they didn't want to date us anymore aren't we doing something kind of similar? Like I said before there are plenty of reasons to burn bridges with people who we've dated in the past(unfortunately these are often the kind of relationships that last because of manipulation) but should I really be angry that someone gave me a chance and for whatever reason it didn't work out? If you thought someone was worth giving your trust to enough to get in a relationship and their only crime is that they don't feel that you are their "perfect" match, are they not worth maintaining a friendship with? I know this viewpoint is probably a bit controversial, but from my previous experience, life works out better when spend less time questioning other's motives and more time accepting their right to have them. Last summer, I had the opportunity to date a girl we'll call "Brittany" to give her a name, she was a real fun and free-spirited girl to be around and I really enjoyed the time I had to spend with her. However, as time went on, it became apparent that things probably weren't going to work out romantically, so before things got serious, she broke things off. I really did like her and it would have been really easy to get upset because things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, but instead I tried my best to make a conscious decision to respect her right to feel that way. I'm not trying to brag about my ability to be awesome right now, rather I'm trying to point out her awesomeness to tell you the truth. She was real upfront and honest, and even though we might not have been dating anymore she still went out of her way to make me feel important. I could have burned the bridge right there and she definitely could have, but because we decided to both put an effort in maintaining a friendship after we still are on good terms today. I don't know if either of us would be interested in giving a romantic relationship a shot again in the future, but we're at least at a point where we can feel comfortable our friendship. She even went out of her way to leave a really sincere and confidence boosting message this week to me, even though we haven't had face to face interaction in months. I can think of other examples but I think the point I'm trying to make is that if you can really try your best to keep yourself connected to the people who are worth keeping around even if they might not be your "soul-mate" you might get the chance to develop some really great friendships that might be of more substance than your romantic relationship might have been. Don't try to force the issue, instead be grateful for the opportunities you have that can help you become that "perfect" person for someone down the road.

Now for the song I quoted earlier, a 90's classic Here's Nada Surf with Popular

Dating in Utah: A Toast to the Scumbags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about tools, and by that I don't mean things that you use to fix your car, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love tools, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the tool phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger tool. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a tool it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the tools themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nice guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of jerkish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a jerk about it... Nothing is more satisfying.

Dating in Utah: A Toast to the D*****Bags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about douchebags, and by that I don't mean literal feminine hygiene products, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love douchebags, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the douchebag phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger douchebag. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a douche it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the douchebags themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nce guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of douchebaggish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a douche about it... Nothing is more satisfying.
Is there a more appropriate way to end this blog than a video about the pains of being a douche from someone who knows first hand? I think not, Here's "Runaway" by the original douche himself Kanye West