Dating in Utah: A Toast to the Scumbags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about tools, and by that I don't mean things that you use to fix your car, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love tools, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the tool phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger tool. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a tool it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the tools themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nice guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of jerkish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a jerk about it... Nothing is more satisfying.

Dating in Utah: A Toast to the D*****Bags!

K this week for a Christmas special I'm gonna step up the bluntness a bit, let's talk about douchebags, and by that I don't mean literal feminine hygiene products, I mean guys like Kanye West, you know tools like that. Funny thing is that women love douchebags, anyone who tells you otherwise is living in denial. Why do you think women swoon over rock stars, professional athletes, hip-hop moguls, and politicians? I only speak from personal experience, I've seen the douchebag phenomenon countless times. I've also heard countless girls crying over why they can't find a nice guy who won't break their heart, only two weeks later to see them with an even-bigger douchebag. If women really wanted to be with nice guys, well they'd be with nice guys. Now that I've offended every female reader, let me try to redeem myself, I don't think women are the problem here. It's common knowledge that women are attracted to confident men and sometimes arrogance can actually seem like confidence. So one can logically conclude that women are going to be attracted to men with egos, power, money or at least potential to have all/any of them. This doesn't mean that women have to settle for men that are complete tools. The truth is that if a guy treats you like a douche it's probably because he's really insecure with himself in some other aspect, he feels like displaying dominance and blatantly rude behavior towards you is somehow a way to reestablish himself as a man, so if you let him do this to you, you're reinforcing that behavior. Don't ever let yourself be taken advantage of in a relationship! You are worth so much more than that, so don't put up with it! So let's talk a bit about the douchebags themselves, if you fall in this category, there is hope. You've probably noticed that if you try to get into a relationship with someone, things don't go as smoothly as they portray them in the movies. You've probably blamed everyone else for your problems or you just call yourself a player and pretend like you don't care... The first step of getting over yourself is recognizing that you have a problem, and that you can actually become a better person by changing. Even if you don't realize it now, you too want a fulfilling, validating relationship at some point in your life, and you've already got the confidence so leave the high school jock routine behind, nobody cares anymore. Instead try to make other people feel important, you don't have to leave your identity behind, but a little extra effort caring about other people's feelings has never ever hurt anyone's dating life. You don't have to be Doctor Phil, or even Dr. Oz for that matter, but by make others feel important and letting go of your insecurities will help every aspect of your life immensely! I dare you to try this out on your own and see if it doesn't help you become a happier person and a more successful dating life! Finally let's talk to the people who are the most likely to actually benefit from this blog, the nice guys... I sympathize with the nice guys, mostly because I consider myself one and have heard the "you're a great guy, but just not for me" line my fair share of times. The truth is I will never give up the nce guy thing, I feel like women are meant to be treated with respect and dignity no matter how many times I get turned down because of my lack of douchebaggish behavior.However, I think the real reason that nice guys have a hard time with dating is because a lot of them are lacking confidence in their ability to form long lasting relationships with girls, and girls know when you're lacking confidence! I repeat girls know when you're lacking confidence! and the truth of the matter is that a lack of confidence will cause you more trouble in dating than anything else. Listen, you can't be afraid to a girl you care, they want to feel important, they really do want gentleman, but at the same time, this doesn't mean you have to completely emasculate yourself. Stand up for yourself! Be proud of the way that you treat women, if you have an attraction to a girl, show her instead of being afraid what she might think if you ask her on a date. I've made this mistake countless times and it's cost me relationships because I let myself get walked all over with my own doubts like does she really want to be with me or is she making excuses just to avoid me? However, when I put my own insecurities aside and just be honest and confident in my ability to be attractive people, things usually work a lot smoother. I'm not a jerk to the girl, actually I try to be as sincere with my compliments as possible, and the funny thing is I find myself getting close to some semblance of a relationship and I didn't even have to be a douche about it... Nothing is more satisfying.
Is there a more appropriate way to end this blog than a video about the pains of being a douche from someone who knows first hand? I think not, Here's "Runaway" by the original douche himself Kanye West

Dating in Utah: Come Talk to Me, or How to Have a Real-life Conversation with People Online

This week has been a bit stressful so I kinda have been slacking on the blog, my apologies. That being said, How's everyone doing? I get that finals are probably the only more stressful than dating so I'm going to do my best to express sympathy... and that's done. Back to dating, these last few weeks have been interesting to say the least since we last discussed online dating, I've been on a few more dates with "Ashley" which have been great! She's a real cool cat, and I'm glad that I've had the chance to get to know her better, and not just because she's given me more material for my blog... She has taught me a lot about my own dating style and things that I think are important for anyone trying to start a relationship, or trying to make their relationships stronger. It even applies to random bind dates! It's the power of conversation. Like I've said in the past, I don't really feel like I've ever been on a bad date but I think a lot of this has to with the fact that most people I go on dates with can carry on a conversation for more than two or three minutes. I've also came to realize that the majority of the time I put most of the weight of whether I go on another date with someone strictly based on the conversation during the date. So here are a few tips on how to insure future dates and develop a lasting relationship.
1. Reciprocity
You can always find something you have in common with your date, you wouldn't be on a date with them otherwise. If you focus more on your similarities instead of your differences, the date will have a more positive vibe to it and you'll feel like you've made a real connection with your date. This doesn't mean don't acknowledge your differences, but be open to experimentation, If politics are important to your date and you have every intention of going on another date with them, would it kill you just to do a little research on the political issues that are important to them? Or if your date likes country music... well I guess I have to draw the line somewhere, never mind. But seriously, a little effort goes a long way to developing chemistry and shows how important your date is to you which leads me to my next subject...
2. Validation

There is nothing more important in relationships than validating each other's feelings. Everyone is insecure about something, whether it seems like it or not, so when we go out on a limb and get into a romantic relationship we expose our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings.So when we go out of our way to make the other person feel important, we are on the right path to building the foundation to a solid relationship. Sometimes all we need to do is listen so they feel like what they're saying is important. Other times, we can drop in a sincere compliment to boost someone's self esteem, or try to understand their point of view instead of focusing on why he/she is wrong about something. It's really an art form but when mastered it is one of best ways to improve your chances to build a solid relationship.  Check out the video above for a good example of the importance of validation.
3. Confidence
If there is one thing that determine your success as an individual in the dating world, it's confidence. If you are afraid to say what's really on your mind or just afraid to speak in general, it's going to be difficult for you to build a sustainable relationship over time. Be confident in who you are and people will want to get to know you. This works in all forms of dating, online dating, meeting someone at a club/dance, or at school/church, people will respect you if you respect yourself. One of the best ways to display this self-respect is by respecting others and so see points 1 and 2 for help with that... Honestly I don't know if there is anything more important when it comes to conversation or dating in general than being happy with who you are.

Well I hope I've effective illustrated the importance of conversation in dating, I really think that being able to connect with someone through conversation is so important to developing any sort of relationship these days, especially because there are less and less people that can actually do it... If you don't feel confident in your ability to make these kind of connections just remember that practice is the only way to get better so get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out on a limb! The fruits of your effort will start to come!.Well that's all I have for this week, check back next week and as usual feel free to leave comments or suggestions!

Here's this week's bonus song, Enjoy!

Dating in Utah: The Art of Sacrifice

This week I've decided to change up the mood a little bit and start from a more contemplative perspective instead of the typical advice end of things. I've been thinking a lot about why we crave love and what drives to find our "soulmate." Dating is kind of crazy when you think about it, we go out of our way to spend time with people who have a completely different life and ambitions with the expectation of eventually finding someone who is willing to reexamine their dreams and goals enough to let us find common goals with them instead. Yet for some strange reason this sacrifice is our motivation, we want to have someone that will help us turn our "me"goals into "we" goals. If we ever want to be successful in dating, we have to be able to learn how to sacrifice. Take this real-life love story for example: A friend of mine met this wonderful girl at school, beautiful, intelligent, just about what any guy could hope for in a girl, only problem was she was about to graduate from school and move back to California to go to Med School about a month after they started dating. For this relationship to progress, he realized it was going to take a tremendous amount of sacrifice. He made sure to call her every night, and to fly out to California to visit her and her family. He had ambitions to go to law school, so realizing the circumstances, he just applied to schools around the area she was attending Medical School at even though he could have been accepted into any law school in the country. Eventually their combined sacrifices let to them getting married a year later and moving to California together to start a new life as grad students incurring debt together. Obviously the debt they are building now will be a sacrifice worthwhile down the road, but because of sacrifices made in the past, it was an easier decision because they both realized that sacrifice pays off the majority of the time. Without getting too sentimental, here's a line from the song "Play Crack the Sky" by Brand New that does a good job of conveying my point, "What they call love is a risk, to always get hit out of nowhere by some wave and end up on your own." I know that might not the most positive way to look at it, but the truth is to truly love someone we have to be at our most vulnerable. We have to be able to let someone get underneath our build up shields and layers that protect us from pain. When we find the person of our dreams, that person in part has to become us, so they can understand who we are and where we come from... That's why so many times the people that hurt us the most are the ones we love the most. Yet it's a risk that we all take at a point and a risk that most people believe is worth taking. If we can learn how to sacrifice and develop a "we" outlook on life, we will have much stronger relationships and we'll be able to grow through each other's experiences to fully experience the potential of love. Please leave your comments, thoughts or experiences in the comments below for feedback! Thanks as usual! Here's a video that does a better job of emphasizing the points I'm trying to make, Enjoy!

Dating in Utah: The Importance of Being Earnest

There comes a point when it happens, you know the feeling, the feeling of I'm really interested in this girl or guy, you know I hate to use the "C" word but there isn't a better way to put it you have a "crush." Is there anything more stressful in the world than a crush? The constant pondering if there's any hope of development, or just wondering what she/he thinks about you? You toss and turn in your bed at night in anticipation of something developing. You go out of your way just to make sure you run into them and what seem like serendipitous moments to hopefully ignite the spark. OK maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but when you have feelings for someone the one thing you hope for more than anything is that the feeling is mutual. But how do you know? How can you delve into the psychological depths of their soul. My experience as a "licensed psychology major" has taught me that unfortunately there isn't a magic formula to read people's minds but I can at least talk about some hints that I've learned and that can help you in the future.

1. Quality time

Nothing is a bigger indicator to me that someone is interested in you than someone going out of their way to spend time with you. It's also the best way to build a secure relationship on top of that. Even if the person does nothing more than sends you a text to ask how your day went out of the blue, it's a pretty indicator that he/she might be interested in who you are at the least.  If a person seems to have excuses every time you try to do something chances are it's just not the right time at the moment or they aren't into you. Either way, it's probably better for you to spend your time else where at the moment,  if it's supposed to work out, you might just have to be patient and wait a bit to try again. 

2. Body Language

You can tell a lot about how people feel about you just by watching the way they interact with you. Like I said in my blog about first dates, unnecessary touching is always a good sign. You can also tell a lot by the way he/she is interacting with you. If a person is comfortable with you and wants you to be comfortable with them, they will often "mirror" your actions to try to convey a message of understanding and affection. Most people aren't aware that they are doing it so it's a pretty good indicator of how they feel. Other indicators include their tone of voice and facial expressions like excessive smiling and laughing. Understanding body language can go a long way to helping you understand if a person is interested in you.

3. If at first you don't succeed, just ask!
I know that some people love "the chase" and the games that come from the uncertainty of dating but it never hurts to have that constant inner conflict resolved. If you have feelings for a person and can't tell if the feeling is mutual, do your best to let them how much you care about them, and if that doesn't get your answer, ASK THEM! There is no point wasting countless hours stressing yourself. I speak from personal experience, I can't how many times I've sat around wasting time thinking a crush because I was too scared to open my mouth but if anything is ever going to happen, you're going to have be open with your communication at some point so why sit around playing pointless games and to top it all off you might save yourself an ulcer down the road! Any opportunity to save your stomach from eating itself is worth, words of wisdom to live by!
Anyways I hope this helps, I know that it might seem like common sense but I understand that dating isn't easy especially when you really want things to work out. Just remember to be yourself and the rest will follow!  If a person can't respect who you are, then they probably aren't worth your time! just remember that!

Now a special treat, an auto-tuned version of me singing "The Lady in Red" by Chris De Burgh, just another great self promotion tactic
http://www.facebook.com/ebroughmusic?v=app_178091127385

Dating in Utah: The Wonderfully Awkward World of Online Dating

I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that i'm writing this blog or the fact that I actually have material to write this blog with, so with that caveat being aforementioned, these are "my confessions". When I started this blog about three weeks ago I asked everyone for ideas and someone had the great idea, hey why don't you write a blog about online dating vs classic dating. To be honest, I had never really even considered the whole online dating thing before, it seemed weird to have your first real connection with a person come over the internet; it seemed insincere or at least superficial so I had always been weary. So when that same person suggested that I talk about my personal experiences I was sick to my stomach. Nevertheless, I took her advice and took the biggest leap of faith I had in a long time. So about two weeks ago I voluntarily joined the world of online dating. The fact of the matter is that the whole thing still felt superficial, I felt like the girls at the beginning of "The Social Network"(fantastic movie if you haven't seen it) who spend the night comparing their dorm mates on Hot or Not for hours, I found myself saying things like "I'd date that" or asking my eleven year old sister for her advice on who I should date. Little did I know that everyone's profile I looked at could see that I was for lack of a better term, Facebook Stalking them...   It was kinda humiliating to say the least, granted it was probably Mark Zuckerberg's fault for making Facebook stalking your crush so anonymously but needless to say I was a bit more careful about who's profile I was looking at. So my first couple of days were unfruitful, the experiment was off to a rocky start. Then I got a few flirts, I was intrigued, some of the girls were pretty cute but I didn't know how to really establish a connection with a "flirt", come to find out flirts are nothing more than the equivalent to a poke on Facebook, a farce to get attention(Sorry Destiny and Rachel, I still don't get why poke me) so I was once again frustrated with my options. In the middle of my dark confusion, I found a ray of hope a message from a girl we'll call "Ashley" mainly because it's the most common female name for girls in the their early to mid twenties. I came home on a Sunday after I had rudely been interrupted from my Sunday football nap to go to the weekly rounds in the ward. I checked my e-mail and lo and behold I had a message on my singles website, problem was I hadn't paid yet, so after a quick $15.00 investment, I read the message from "Ashley". It turned out that contrary to online stereotypes, she was completely forthcoming and outgoing, and attractive on top of it. I gave her my number and she even went out of her way to send me a text message. Maybe this online dating thing wasn't so bad, I mean I had put minimal effort but I was already having more success than I typically would pursuing people I already knew. So I focused my attention on a first date with "Ashley", which came pretty easily. She was different than most girls that I've dated in the past but in all the right ways.  The truth of the matter was that if we would have met under any different circumstances, we probably wouldn't have ever tried to date each other but because of the online setting we had a good time and there's definitely potential for at least a second date. It was completely worth my time and money to have the opportunity to meet people that I would otherwise have never had the chance to get to know. I really hope to get on a second date soon with "Ashley", she opened my horizons a lot and kind of renewed my hope in dating, which had seemed to be hopeless cause as of late. So obviously this experiment is still in the beginning phase but so far I've gotten past the awkward phase, and probably most importantly I've came to realize that there are good girls that are worth dating anywhere you look, even on online dating sites.

Dating in Utah: From First Date to Beyond: How to Turn First Dates into Third and Fourth Dates

I'm pretty sure that everyone knows what it feels like to be on a first date. I'm pretty sure that there might not be a more anxiety-provoking experience known to man especially if you feel like you might really like the person you are dating. It can also provoke a different type of anxiety if you're absolutely dreading the idea of who is about to step onto your front porch. I think the reason that first dates seem to be a bit more stressful is because we don't really know what to expect because every first date is different. I can honestly say personally that I really haven't been on a bad first date but I know plenty of other people with horror stories about creepers trying to get them to move to their ranch in Mexico or literally saying two words the entire date. However there have been plenty of times that for whatever reason I've had a great first date but I couldn't get a second date to save my life. So I set out on a mission to find out what both girls and guys expect from a first date and how to get to a second date and eventually a relationship if the interest is mutual. So let's talk about some of the keys to a successful first date and how to know if a second date is on the way... P.S. thanks to everyone who helped me out by answering my questions so candidly, you guys gave me a lot more than I was looking for so this article practically ended up writing itself/
1. Keep it simple:
Like I was already talking about earlier there is already enough awkwardness going into a first date so don't put anymore pressure on the date by going somewhere expensive or elaborate. A lot of girls really feel like this is putting a lot of expectations on something that should be an opportunity for experimentation for people to test to see if there is any chemistry between the people on the date. Pressure usually just makes thing more difficult have something simple planned. You could try a picnic in the park or hiking during the summer. Girls do appreciate originality so try to make an impression however don't go over the top spending a lot of money.
2. Leave plenty of opportunity for conversation:
When I asked people what they considered a good first date an overwhelming majority of people mentioned that conversation is key to developing any sort of relationship in the future. You need to be open enough to make the other person feel important by sincerely showing interest in who they are. At the same time, perhaps more importantly, you have to be open about yourself. I'm not saying reveal deep dark secrets about your family on a first date, but I am saying that the standard yes/no answers and superficiality won't cut it if you want something to really grow out of the first date. Be honest and forthcoming about your plans and who you are as a person, it'll make your date feel more comfortable when you ask him/her about who they are and what their plans are for the future.
3. The "Spark"
I'm going to start this next section with a disclaimer, I think the "spark" metaphor is one of my least favorite metaphors in the world. It makes romance sound like a magic trick, like attraction is something that comes out of thin air but I digress. Physical, emotional and mutual attraction are definitely important factors when it comes to dating. If you don't have things in common or if you don't have similar sense of humor chances are that there won't be any further development in a relationship... Physical attraction is important, it's like the fancy label on department store clothing it draws you in, but in the long run if it's nothing more than fancy packaging it'll lose it's luster. It's worth putting a little extra effort into your appearance on a first date but it's more important to be yourself and confident in who you are. There is nothing more attractive than confidence and someone who is secure with who they are. Secure people are going to have more success dating because it's easier to feel comfortable with someone who feels comfortable with who they are. If don't feel secure yet, it's ok, "fake it til you make it" because eventually you'll get to the point that you really are secure with who you are. So bottom line if you want a "spark" then be the best you you can be.
4. Be Honest Please!
The only thing more difficult than a first date might be the next couple of days after wondering how the other person felt especially if you really think that there was some potential. Instead of sending mixed signals and constantly waiting for the text back or phone call just be up front. Girls if a guy says he wants to do something with you again and you aren't really interested be upfront and tell him the truth, that there wasn't that "spark" or connection, be kind but in the long run the guy will really appreciate your honesty. Guys if you aren't interested but you can tell that the girl might be, be honest please! If you want to avoid conflict or hurt feelings just tell the girl that you really don't see a romantic relationship developing, she might be hurt or depressed but what's worse leading someone on for months or being upfront with them and telling them the truth. This doesn't mean you have to stop being friends, most of the time it will make the friendship grow but you don't have to worry about the romantic feelings anymore if things are out in the open. Don't let your ego get in the way, if a girl/guy isn't interested in you, it isn't a personal insult on who you are or what you stand for, it just allows for closure so that you can move on in your quest for eternal perfection.
5. Quality Time
Once you get past the guesswork of the first couple of dates, make sure you take the time to really form a substantial connection, find out who the person you are dating really is, don't just make superficial conversation  but at the same time it doesn't all have to be super deep, the most important thing is to develop a real friendship where you care as much about them as you do yourself. Some of the best way to do this is to spend time with them whenever possible. You can study together, watch TV, play sports whatever your mutual interests are, take time out of your schedule to be with them. There is nothing that shows someone that you are really interesting in taking things further than trying to spend time with them just because you want to be with them! This is the key to forming a significant relationship
6. Body language
Finally if you find yourself on a first date and you think things are going well but you aren't sure how well, go out of your way to get a little closer to the person you're on a date with. Body language is the most important way we communicate because we say things through body language that we couldn't or don't want to express through our words. If someone is really feeling comfortable with you proxemics is one of the best ways to tell how comfortable. If a person lets you into their personal space it is a very important and powerful indicator that the person is comfortable with you. Don't underestimate the power of body language, if a person is laughing and smiling a lot during a date and you get a good hug at the end of the night, 95% chance they had a good time and would be interested in pursuing at least a second date. Just a thought to keep in mind.

 Well I hope people find this helpful and that this helps make your dates more successful in the future, make sure to check back next week as I delve into the wacky world of online dating for single LDS kids. Needless to say I'm scared to death...

Dating in Utah: How to be 24, Bald and OK with yourself...

Before I get started I need to confess I'm starting to get that look, if you have ever lived in Utah, you know the  one, the all-encompassing stare down that screams "Why aren't you married yet?" Don't you realize you're 24, you've been back from your mission like three years now so there must be something wrong. Don't you realize that you've already lost your hair? If you wait any longer you're going to cost yourself eternal salvation silly! It's true in approximately eight months I officially become a "menace to society" and yet I'm totally OK with that. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to get married or even be in a relationship, it's the opposite actually, but what's with the pressure? Who you marry is the most important decision in your life, and that's why I take it seriously, but I feel who I date and when I meet the person that I'm supposed to spend eternity with isn't something that should be put on a time table. This is not an anti-dating blog, actually I've chosen to write this to help myself and others find their eternal companions, my goal is to help people become comfortable with who they are so they can become comfortable with someone else. The first key to successful dating is to love yourself. If you don't love yourself it is nearly impossible to be successful in relationships.Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people who aren't necessarily comfortable in their own skin that end up in relationships or even married with families but often times these relationships are plagued with difficulties and abuse. If want to find true happiness in relationships, we need to love ourselves to make sure we avoid people who bring us down to build themselves up. So if there is anything you get out of this first  blog post I hope that you take some time to get to know who you really are and where you stand in life. If you do this you'll be happier and more confident and confidence leads to success in relationships(shoutout to Jenessa for that). In the upcoming weeks I'll be directing more concrete issues in Utah dating culture like the importance of the first date and how to turn it into third and fourth dates, online dating vs. the "meat market" and other issues that come with our unique culture. Feel free to suggest ideas and post comments so I can improve the content and the context of my blog to help people out. Thanks a bunch!

Astute Observations of Human Nature and How to Defeat the Trend

People are hilarious. I can't think of a better adjective to describe the nearly seven billion citizens of this place we all call home... We spend our whole lives trying to find our purpose and calling in this life so that we show the world how great we are, yet when it comes down to it, the only time that most of feel true happiness is when we just stop caring about what other people think about us. If all we focus on is how we will be perceived by certain actions we take, then we deny ourselves opportunities to experience life to its fullest. Think about it, if Picasso would have been worried about what people thought about his art, do you think that abstract art would even exist? Sure we all have varying opinions about his art, some people think it is garbage, others define it as the work of a genius, but what matters is that art like that exists regardless of other people's opinions of the art. Yet, I have to ask how many times we deny ourselves experiences and opportunities to develop ourselves based on a fear of what other people may think... I know that there have been plenty of times throughout my life where I've stopped myself from developing friendships, relationships and myself because I was worried about what my friends and family might think. I still ask myself how my life might be different if I would have taken the opportunity to get to know someone new or asked a few different girls on a date. I personally believe that my life would be a lot different if I would have taken action. I'm not saying that I live in regret of the indecision of my past, however I do feel like there are some opportunities that I missed because of indecision. The hardest part is to come to the realization that it was all based off of an irrational fear of what my friends and family would think about me. As I've gotten a bit more mature, or well at least older, I've learned my lesson and I try my best to find the best in others so that I can stop focusing on my own deficiencies and take the best of other people to help me become my best self, but most importantly I've learned how to live my life without being preoccupied with the judgments of others and my life has never been better. I personally believe that it is one of the major keys to being truly happy for anyone because the truth of the matter is that most of us don't sit around and criticize every little thing about the people we know and when it comes down to it, if we're spending time with other people and they are still spending time with us, they probably enjoy being around us and chances are that if some people enjoy spending time with us, the majority of people would probably enjoy spending time with us. So why should we be so concerned with everyone else's opinions of us? The risk is worth the reward nine times out of ten and I'll take those odds in Vegas any day...

Now here's a completely irrelevant link to awesome music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j78nMSCbBSU&feature=fvst

Just your everyday miracles...

What constitutes something as miraculous? Is it something out of the ordinary? Something that indicates the power of some sort of divine intervention? Or are miracles more common than that? Is it a stretch to say that some of the most common everyday occurrences are some of the most miraculous events we experience? For example, everyday there are literally hundreds of thousands of babies born, does that not make it a miracle, or is life a miracle in itself? This question has intrigued many of the greatest philosophers and theologians that have walked on this earth. It's easy to say that someone walking on water or being raised from the dead would be considered miraculous, but by defining these supernatural events as miraculous, we may miss some of the less extraordinary but perhaps more important manifestations of the presence of deity in our lives.

Consider people who find the time to dedicate themselves wholly to fighting the exploitation of those around them, isn't that somewhat miraculous? Many times these people risk their lives to save the lives of other people. The fact that there are people who are selfless enough to give up all they have to safe the lives of a stranger is one of the greatest miracles that we have the chance to witness. It doesn't have to be that extreme, many times people go out of their way to help out people they don't know. Recently, I lost my wallet at school, but some good-natured stranger took the time to find get it to a place where it could be given back to me. What motivates people to do this? What gain did the person who found my wallet get out of turning it in to a lost and found? He/She could have just as easily taken my credit cards or identification to exploit me to their advantage. They could have done nothing as well. My point is that many times do some of the most good when nobody is watching and that in it's own right is miraculous.

Perhaps the most miraculous thing that the vast majority of people experience in this life is the opportunity to love and be loved. When it comes down to it, is there anything more miraculous than a human being giving all they have to make the life of someone else better and the fact of the matter is that most of us will experience this at some point whether with a romantic partner, a family member, a friend, or even a complete stranger. True love encompasses the selflessness that leads to real happiness. I think if I could pick attribute of Jesus Christ to develop is the love with which he served all mankind. That's the beauty of the gospel of Christ, even if you don't believe in Christianity, everyone can understand and for the most part agree with it's most basic principle, love your fellow man even as thyself. In my personal opinion, there is nothing more miraculous than true, undaunted love.

I hope that this doesn't come across as self-righteous, but I think if we took more time to recognize the little miracles in our lives everyday, we'd be more aware of those around us, and more willing to help those in need. I also believe if we were more conscious about what miracles were constantly surrounding us, our lives would seem a little easier to live and those close to us would be easier to love. Now that I've said my peace, let me know what you think, I'd love to hear your opinions!

Why Jimmer is America's Valentine...

Throughout my life I've learned that certain individuals hold a unique power to break down wall s and boundaries for the overall welfare of mankind. Some of these individuals include Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Princess Diana, and as of late Jimmer Fredette. Although comparing Jimmer to social reformers such as Mother Teresa might seem a little extreme, the fact of the matter is that Jimmer is gaining a fan base in places never thought possible for any BYU basketball player. I'm a current student at the University of Utah, but I grew up a BYU fan my whole life and up to this point have had to keep my secret fondness for the Cougars a secret on campus. However, recently a friend of mine pointed out a sign in a building on campus that read “In Jimmer We Trust.” Jimmer Fever has even struck Salt Lake City. I first noticed the fever begin to spread last year while watching the Cougars play the Florida Gators in the NCAA tournament. I was sitting in the library when all of the sudden I began to hear cheers for the Jimmer scoring 38 and having enough grace to smile and wave for the camera during the middle of the second overtime. It was at that moment that I realized that Jimmer was something special. Then in January, I sat in the Huntsman Center watching Fredette put on one of the most amazing performances of his career on his rival's home court. Logic would say that this would upset the home fans, especially the student section, but instead all I could hear was praise for the mythological being known as the Jimmer. Since then I've had students on campus ask me if I have seen the Court Intruder youtube video, just today while I was shooting around in the gym, I had someone say that was a Jimmer Shot. A diehard Ute fan friend of mine told me that he has a man crush on Jimmer, another told me that he had to wear a Ute hat while watching the BYU-New Mexico game just so he didn't become converted to Jimmerism or better yet Cougarism, by taking time out of his schedule to watch the BYU-New Mexico game shows that he's already a convert to Jimmerism. On multiple occasions I've seen Ute students praising the near perfect performance of Jimmer against San Diego State. This shouldn’t be happening, there is no way that these are the same students who wear Max Hall hates me shirts on campus, the same fans who take pleasure in putting all sorts of profanity next to the name of BYU during football season. This is the impact that Jimmer Fredette has on society.

This is just the beginning of the impact of Jimmer, what may be more impressive is that the nation has embraced a Mormon kid as a national icon. In a time where religious prejudices are at an all-time high and so-called tolerance is discriminating against all things relating to heaven and hell, Jimmer is an enigma. Similar sports figures like Tim Tebow and Dwight Howard have been criticized as being over-zealous for openly living their religion. Mitt Romney was attacked at various points during his recent presidential campaign for being religious, or more specifically, a Mormon. This makes the national appeal of Fredette even more miraculous, he's managed to break down another hypothetical barrier. So the question that has to be asked is what is it about Jimmer that makes him so likeable?

I honestly believe that Jimmer isn't just appealing because he's a great basketball player, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James are great players but aren't exactly likable. I don't think that it's just because he's fun to watch. I think that the main reason that Jimmer is so likeable is because he's so real. Many times in modern athletics, superstars are full of themselves, think of Allen Iverson, Stephon Marbury, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and a plethora of other sports stars who are defined the size of their egos. Enter Jimmer, not yet corrupted by the money of the NBA, he recognizes that Basketball is a team game and the ultimate goal is to be victorious. He has said on multiple occasions that a deep run in the NCAA tourney is a lot more important to him than winning player of the year. The first thing that he does after going off for 40+ points is talk about how great the screens his teammates set were. Yet at the same time, he admits that he would have like to score 50 against Utah this season. He's real and that's something many professional athletes can't say. He still plays out of love for the game and that's hard to find in most sports. He genuinely looks like he's having fun instead of throwing a tantrum at officials and coaches. That's what makes Jimmer so refreshing and likable, he genuinely wants play the game and play his heart out every time he gets on the court. He's taught us that no matter what your religion or where you attend school, if you are genuine with people, people will respect you.

Why Jerry Sloan will be Missed

Today the NBA lost one of the great coaches in the history of the league in Jerry Sloan, his 26 year career as a head coach established him as one of the most well respected and productive coaches in the league. His 23 year tenure with the Utah Jazz established him as the longest tenured coach with one team in NBA history. He was a model of consistency and toughness around the league. In his 23 years in Utah, he had all of one losing season, which is miraculous considering that he almost lead a team spearheaded by Carlos Arroyo, Matt Harpring, Raja Bell, and Andrei Kirilenko to the playoffs when most of those players, with the exception of Kirilenko, would be considered average role players on decent teams. The argument could be made that this year's version of the Cleveland Cavaliers have more talent than that Jazz team, however the results were completely different. Yet while I sit here pondering the day's event, something sour sits in my mouth, this shouldn't be the way that an NBA icon leaves the game.
It feels all too similar to Bobby Bowden being forced out of Florida State, Stan Van Gundy resigning as coach as the Miami Heat. In a season filled with conversation about "the decision" and Carmelo Anthony trade rumors, the last thing we needed were rumors of a power struggle between Sloan and All-Star point guard Deron Williams. Whether or not the rumors are true isn't really what's important, it's the fact that players are putting themselves before the team. What happened to the days of Cal Ripken Jr. and Dan Marino, where you make the best of the situation given to you? It's a sad day when Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera have to fight to stay with the team that they've been loyal to for over 15 years. Now Sloan, the epitome of stability and loyalty, is seemingly forced out of Salt Lake. As a Jazz fan, I've always loved Deron's desire and tenacity to drive his team to victory, and at times, I've wanted Sloan to retire to bring in fresh blood and energy to the team, however this situation doesn't seem like the way for one of the most respected figures in all of professional athletics to leave. It reminds me a lot of a song by Ben Folds called Fred Jones Pt. 2
"Fred sits alone at his desk in the dark
There's an awkward young shadow that waits in the hall,
He's cleared all his things and he's put them in boxes
Things that remind him: 'Life has been good'
Twenty-five years
He's worked at the paper
A man's here to take him downstairs
And I'm sorry, Mr. Jones
It's time"
The situation between Jerry and Deron is too unfortunate, as I hear details come forth, I can't help but feel a little like when I was watching Mark Zuckerburg screw over his best friend in The Social Network. Deron wouldn't be where he is now without Jerry and honestly the past five years probably wouldn't have been as productive as they have been for Jerry without Deron, but as they say, all is fair in love and war, but just like the movies, you never hear about the boy left with the broken heart or the soldier left dead on the battlefield.